catapult magazine

catapult magazine

Vol 11, Num 23 :: 2012.12.21 — 2013.01.03


Not dead yet

The family of the late Robert Withrow would like to thank relatives, friends and neighbors for the lovely flowers, cards, donations to charities and acts of kindness since the passing of a loving husband, father and papa. Thank you to Rev Denise Hardy and John Stitch of Stitch Funeral Home for their caring support and to the Manilla Library ladies for the lovely lunch. Everyone’s thoughtfulness has been greatly appreciated. Anne Withrow and Family.

You’d think they would have made sure. You’d think they wouldn’t jump to conclusions. You really would think that they would have at least waited for a body. It almost seemed like they couldn’t wait for the service to be done to forget me.

So I was missing for a week. So my boat was found drifting way too far from land. So I wasn’t on the boat and no one could prove that I came back to land after that fishing trip. But think about it: any number of things could’ve happened. I could’ve gotten a ride to land from a passing helicopter, just for fun. I could have hired a sea turtle to take me to, I don’t know, Cuba! Heck, I could’ve been hiding, all folded up, in the ship’s stove. They didn’t check there, did they?

I mean, I can see why they didn’t guess the truth. I made sure that there was no reason to think I was having an affair with a mermaid, and frankly, it’s not the first thing people guess. But still. Declaring me drowned? Holding a service? Putting a “heartfelt thanks” to friends and neighbors and the Manilla Library ladies in the paper? Was all that necessary? I’m not even dead! 

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