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Spanking

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richardgreencfr
Aug 18 2006
11:17 am

That was an interesting article (NYtimes).

I felt I had to sidestep my objections to the way that behaviouristic psychology reduces humans to "stimulus-response-consequence" robots in order to see that there is probably a lot of wisdom in that article that can be applied to the topic of spanking vs splashing vs time outs.

I think the article helps to see that humans are deeply connected in certain relationships and that one can have a huge influence on another’s behaviour. I hope that in my marriage a less "scientist controls the subject" approach and a more "engage my spouse in a conversation about what bothers me" approach will prevail.

With regards to kids (I don’ t have any) I hope to do the same. Norbert, you should check out the article and let me know what you think about the "no response" (LRS) method.

Taking the liberty of a non-parent opinion I still think that splashing in the face gets their attention at the cost of degrading them or leaving them feeling shamed. It just seems like a red flag.

I think that with a child too young to talk I might be more likely to resort to a physical message, spanking when it is necessary and deemed the best way of communicating. And would try a more verbal with kids that can talk. So yes, I think spanking does not degrade or shame in the way that splashing might.

I like the idea of a parent that remains calm even though the child is losing it. Not reacting in the same manner as the child – violence for violence, but just calm, and patient, and inviting the child to use words to explain what they are upset about instead of tantrums or physical acting out. Letting the child to know that they are allowed to be upset, allowed to be angry, and invited to talk about it. I hope that as a parent I will look past the innappropriate yelling to see what they are yelling about. Or look past the tantrum to find their heart. Afterall, how often do kids kick and scream for no reason?
Aren’t they usually trying to say something? I think that a kid that knows that his heart matters and that his feelings/fears will be heard and seen, and that his needs will be met by his folks will be quicker to bring his feelings/fears or hurts to them and communicate them as best they can, and less quick to explode in non-verbal outbursts or yelling.

Idealism as a non-parent is a luxury I will enjoy while it lasts.