catapult magazine

catapult magazine
 

discussion

mitch all together

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lopez
Apr 30 2005
10:43 pm

“i mumble alot when i talk. so i’ll be walking along the sidewalk with a friend and i’ll say something, but he won’t hear me, so he’ll say ‘what’. i’ll say it again, but he still won’t hear me so i’ll end up yelling some really insignificant shit like: THAT TREE IS FAR AWAY!!”

“i travel all the time and end up staying in hotels alot. they have these machines in those places called ‘mini-bar’s that automatically make things more expensive. and those guys are SMART. they always stock it with items that you could never replace. but still whenever i’m in one of these places and take something from the little refrigerator i always imagine i’m going to replace whatever it is i took. so i go into a store: ‘excuse me. do you have coke…IN A GLASS HARMONICA?’…‘do you have individually wrapped cashews’?”

“i love escalators because escalators can never break. they can only BECOME stairs. they don’t have to put up an ‘escalator temporarily out of order’ sign. they just put up a sign that says, ‘escalator temporarily stairs’…‘sorry for the CONVENIENCE’.”

mitch hedberg, 1967-2005

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Jason Panella
May 01 2005
12:22 am

Yeah, it’s a shame. He was an enormously gifted comedian.