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Forgiving at church

by Larry T. McKnight

I believe all of us can trace our steps through life and find many situations when we either needed forgiveness or should have forgiven.  At 61, I’ve had way too many to discuss in this article and they would likely make for a rather boring book.  However, a relatively recent forgiveness/healing process has occurred that I’d like to share.

In 2003, my fiancée, Rebecca, and I were still trying to find a church that we could call our common spiritual home.  Our religious upbringings were significantly different; and, neither were very fulfilling for us at that time.

In early September 2003, we went on a personal growth weekend.  Because of his various comments on attitudes, Rebecca started taking to the facilitator during the breaks and found that he was an ordained minister with the Association of Unity Churches International.  While the weekend was not religious in orientation, Rebecca was impressed enough with the facilitator’s outlooks that she decided to see if we had a Unity Church at home—we had two.  Rebecca decided that she would go to Unity Church of Practical Christianity the next Sunday, September 21.  I said, “Let me know how it is” because it was 25 minutes from home and I wasn’t interested in driving that far every Sunday morning.  Not the right attitude towards God!

A foreign car that I had ordered in March was delivered to the dealership the week after our personal growth weekend.  (See a previous article on my need for forgiveness of my financial foolishness.)  Over the course of six months, the salesperson and I had spoken somewhat frequently, and on a variety of tpoics.  By the time I picked up the car on Saturday, September 20, we had a fairly good personal relationship.

At the end of all of the paperwork signing, Chuck said:  “When I left home this morning, I told my wife that I was going to ask you to attend our church tomorrow”.  It turned out that Chuck attended Unity Church of Practical Christianity.  Rebecca and I looked at each other and started to laugh.  We told Chuck the story and said that we would both be there the next day.

When we walked into the church’s front door, and were warmly greeted by a few of the members, we both sensed that we had found the spiritual home we were looking for.  Rev. Beverly’s sermon confirmed those feelings.  We stayed for the coffee and cookies fellowship afterwards.

We came back week after week and, in a very short period of time, we asked Rev. Beverly if she would marry us.  (We had already set the date and were going to have a civil ceremony.)  We also took a class from her; and, we became members on November 16.  When the wedding was a few weeks away, we already had a strong bond with Rev. Beverly.  She was so much on our wavelength that we didn’t make any changes to the service outline and vows that she had prepared.  She married us on December 18, 2003.

By December 2004, we were even closer to her.  But, as the church minister and leader, many of the members were very dissatisfied with her three years there and felt that they had to do something.  They became very selective in who was invited to their (outside of church) meetings to discuss their displeasure.  The end result was a petition to the Board of Trustees for her removal.

Rev. Beverly could have fought it; but, because of prior confrontations, and the draining effect on her, she decided to leave in order to avoid any further division in the church.  Rebecca and I both felt as if the rug had been pulled out from under us and our spiritual leadership and atmosphere had been taken away in a “back room and back alley” manner.  We weren’t too happy with many of those involved, including some to whom we had grown close.

I was truly feeling a spiritual void and needed to go back to church after not going for three months.  We went to the other Unity Church; but, the warm atmosphere of our church and its congregants just wasn’t there.  Eventually, I went back to our church, where we now had guest speakers.  Rebecca followed a little later.

Over time, we both came to learn of some of Rev. Beverly’s shortcomings—many she personally told us about.  We also recognized that many members of the “ouster” leadership hadn’t come back to the church since Rev. Beverly left.  And, we still found the spiritual warmth and energy among the rest of those to whom we were previously close.  We also found the love, compassion and respect of those involved in Rev. Beverly’s dismissal; and, we forgave them because, even though we may not have approved of the manner in which she was dismissed, we believed that our fellow members did it for what they felt in their hearts was in the best interest of their church.  And, more importantly, like us, they are all children of God.

Because of our forgiveness, we are again active at the church; and, we are back at our spiritual home!