To more directly respond to JasonVB’s questions, I agree with U2 that "guilt is not of God". But ambition is good if it is driven by a desire for the right thing. On the other side of my own crisis with these issues, I’ve found myself even more ambitious, more fearless, less apologetic of my desire to make great art and to compete with the great art of my generation. I am more at peace, less strapped with guilt. I see every part of my life as integral to my art-making. I also am more committed to cultivating creativity and art-mindedness in myself. And all this came after I decided that "making it" as an artist was no longer my ambition.
My desire now is increasingly focused on how to obey God in the moments I have been given. So when our band is playing a killer set in front of 3 people in some crappy bar on a Monday night, I am not blinded by the apparent futility of such an act. I see it as a meaningful act in God’s Kingdom, a mustard seed rebellion against a culture that says if you aren’t rich and famous you’re doing something wrong. I certainly would like to take our music to more people and would like to be universally respected for what I’m doing, but that’s not the main focus. I try to see myself as God sees me. It’s a constant discipline.
I am now open to the possibility that my life will not pan out the way I expected, that maybe the making of music is not the be all and end all of my life on this earth, but strangely enough, this has not weakened my desire or abilities as an aspiring musician. In fact, it has allowed me to be a better, free-er artist. It might be akin to the middle finger attitude of punk music. It’s a fearlessness that I think is necessary to be a good artist. If you can overcome the fear of possible failure, you’ll be a better artist and a better person. Christ’s death and resurrection, God’s perpetual love, has won us this freedom from failure. And God continues to work this painful change in us until we give up even our precious "art" to Him. And at that point, we are ready to offer true human freedom to a world that is afraid because we are the "Overcomers" of the book of Revelation, the ones who have walked through the fire already, who have had the impurities burned away by the refining fires, who know the joy that flourishes even in suffering. It’s not a cheap joy that we offer, like the happy clappiness of Praise and Worship songs, it’s a stronger feeling because it grows out of trouble.
So my advice is to see difficulties as proof that God is working in your life, that God cares about you and the work you’re doing. God wants your art to be good too and you may have to suffer through some unpleasant times in order to provide the kind of art God wants for this generation—an art that endures hardships, that offers true freedom from fear, that dares to celebrate the victory of God’s Kingdom over hopelessness, shoddy artistic craft, nihilism, pride, self-deception, careerism, the tyranny of economic systems etc.
grant
Oct 30 2007
01:48 pm
To more directly respond to JasonVB’s questions, I agree with U2 that "guilt is not of God". But ambition is good if it is driven by a desire for the right thing. On the other side of my own crisis with these issues, I’ve found myself even more ambitious, more fearless, less apologetic of my desire to make great art and to compete with the great art of my generation. I am more at peace, less strapped with guilt. I see every part of my life as integral to my art-making. I also am more committed to cultivating creativity and art-mindedness in myself. And all this came after I decided that "making it" as an artist was no longer my ambition.
My desire now is increasingly focused on how to obey God in the moments I have been given. So when our band is playing a killer set in front of 3 people in some crappy bar on a Monday night, I am not blinded by the apparent futility of such an act. I see it as a meaningful act in God’s Kingdom, a mustard seed rebellion against a culture that says if you aren’t rich and famous you’re doing something wrong. I certainly would like to take our music to more people and would like to be universally respected for what I’m doing, but that’s not the main focus. I try to see myself as God sees me. It’s a constant discipline.
I am now open to the possibility that my life will not pan out the way I expected, that maybe the making of music is not the be all and end all of my life on this earth, but strangely enough, this has not weakened my desire or abilities as an aspiring musician. In fact, it has allowed me to be a better, free-er artist. It might be akin to the middle finger attitude of punk music. It’s a fearlessness that I think is necessary to be a good artist. If you can overcome the fear of possible failure, you’ll be a better artist and a better person. Christ’s death and resurrection, God’s perpetual love, has won us this freedom from failure. And God continues to work this painful change in us until we give up even our precious "art" to Him. And at that point, we are ready to offer true human freedom to a world that is afraid because we are the "Overcomers" of the book of Revelation, the ones who have walked through the fire already, who have had the impurities burned away by the refining fires, who know the joy that flourishes even in suffering. It’s not a cheap joy that we offer, like the happy clappiness of Praise and Worship songs, it’s a stronger feeling because it grows out of trouble.
So my advice is to see difficulties as proof that God is working in your life, that God cares about you and the work you’re doing. God wants your art to be good too and you may have to suffer through some unpleasant times in order to provide the kind of art God wants for this generation—an art that endures hardships, that offers true freedom from fear, that dares to celebrate the victory of God’s Kingdom over hopelessness, shoddy artistic craft, nihilism, pride, self-deception, careerism, the tyranny of economic systems etc.