Man, you got it so right. That’s how I felt living in Nashville when I wrote that song. And I’ve been trying to maintain this tension between commitment and freedom from commitments for years. Christians are thrust into a system of institutions that are not consistent with the Christian way of life. So it’s no wonder it’s not easy to step into these systems of art-making, theatre, education, government, business as believers. We are constantly under pressure to follow those rules, financial pressure, spiritual pressure, family pressures, our own psychological pressures.
So I wrote "Before I Go" in order to put this tension into words, to place it before myself, to acknowledge it. To "say what I can’t show". Because we can’t resolve this tension ourselves. We can’t do it. So stop trying. This is where God steps in to carry our burden, to make the most of our imperfect offerings. Here’s a lyric I’ve been comforted by. It’s Leonard Cohen’s "Anthem":
The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don’t dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.
Ah the wars they will
be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
bought and sold
and bought again
the dove is never free.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
I don’t know why but I am so comforted by the idea that God uses my imperfections, my shortcomings. It takes some of the pressure off. So all I have to do is continue to commit to the work God has called me to, to be who God wants me to be, and God will harvest the fruit that comes of that obedience. I am not the harvester. When I am tempted to measure my own life according to who I thought I should be at this point in my life, I try to remember that this is me trying to play the role of God and that I will be much better off just dealing with my human responsibilities of obeying God and serving others with my work than trying to be the god of my own life.
grant
Oct 30 2007
12:57 pm
Man, you got it so right. That’s how I felt living in Nashville when I wrote that song. And I’ve been trying to maintain this tension between commitment and freedom from commitments for years. Christians are thrust into a system of institutions that are not consistent with the Christian way of life. So it’s no wonder it’s not easy to step into these systems of art-making, theatre, education, government, business as believers. We are constantly under pressure to follow those rules, financial pressure, spiritual pressure, family pressures, our own psychological pressures.
So I wrote "Before I Go" in order to put this tension into words, to place it before myself, to acknowledge it. To "say what I can’t show". Because we can’t resolve this tension ourselves. We can’t do it. So stop trying. This is where God steps in to carry our burden, to make the most of our imperfect offerings. Here’s a lyric I’ve been comforted by. It’s Leonard Cohen’s "Anthem":
The birds they sang
at the break of day
Start again
I heard them say
Don’t dwell on what
has passed away
or what is yet to be.
Ah the wars they will
be fought again
The holy dove
She will be caught again
bought and sold
and bought again
the dove is never free.
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.
I don’t know why but I am so comforted by the idea that God uses my imperfections, my shortcomings. It takes some of the pressure off. So all I have to do is continue to commit to the work God has called me to, to be who God wants me to be, and God will harvest the fruit that comes of that obedience. I am not the harvester. When I am tempted to measure my own life according to who I thought I should be at this point in my life, I try to remember that this is me trying to play the role of God and that I will be much better off just dealing with my human responsibilities of obeying God and serving others with my work than trying to be the god of my own life.